So this cute guy asks you out. You're really excited and immediately start imagining how the date will go. And you may even start imagining him as your boyfriend/husband. While it's important to go into a date with a positive attitude, it's also important to be realistic. Things may go unexpectably good or bad. When your hopes are high, you may be disappointed with the way things actually turn out, thus feeling a sense of loss over someone you barely knew. To avoid such pain, it's best not to have any expectations. If things work out, great. If they don't, it'll be ok.
When you're dating someone new, it's easy to focus on the positives and put aside the negatives. It's easy because as humans we have a desire to be with someone. Yet, picture this. You meet a guy online, chat for a bit and meet in person. A picture is only a picture and words are only words. People can misrepresent themselves and we can misrepresent people. I've struggled with not having expectations of dates for a long time because I had hope that things will work out. I'd focus so much on the positives that I'd be blindsided by the negative turnout of events.
What does it mean to not have expectations from your date? This involves several components. First, don't overthink things. While this may be difficult to do, stopping ourselves when we start overthinking things keeps us from getting our hopes up or down. For example, deciding that he's a gentleman, based on what he's been telling you, might leave you surprised when you don't get that same picture in real life. Now that your expectation and reality clash, your judgment of this guy for the rest of the date might be clouded. If you go in with no expectations, you're less likely to be disappointed or at least you won't be as disappointed.
Second, remember that you don't know a person you recently met very well. Even if you've been talking for weeks, people's true colors can take a while to show. Once you see the person in different settings, you might see very different sides to him/her. Also, you can't be sure about his/her intentions, until you really get to know the person. If you expect your date to have only good intentions, you might get hurt when you find out he/she doesn't.
Third, look at every date as an adventure. Instead of having expectations, go in thinking of it as an experience. You'll have a more positve mindset this way. And your mindset on a date will effect your perception of things and the person. If things don't work out, you won't feel as let down as you would if your date didn't live up to your expectations. Also, if things go well, you'll be pleasantly surprised. That feeling of clicking with someone better than you would've imagined is exciting and wonderful. You'll be glad that you gave this person a chance. And you'll become (more) open-minded about who you date in the future (if he's/she's not the one). With your lack of expectations, you'll be ready to grab opportunities to experience this.
Going into a date with no expectations doesn't mean you should have a negative attitude. On the contrary, it means you should go into it with a positive attitude and know that whatever happens, you'll be ok. If things end, you won't be reminiscing over what "should've" been, as you're aware that things can turn out unexpectedly bad or good. No matter what happens, you'll be able to move on and keep on going through the process, until you find someone who's right for you. Expectations after all are nothing more than our imaginations telling us what should be. Reality is, that's out of our control.
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