Allowing Yourself To Be Loved

You finally meet someone who you really like. Someone who's patient, considerate, selfless and who gives you a lot of attention. Yet, you've been hurt so many times that you can't help but worry that this person will hurt you too. While you're happy and you know it, you can't seem to allow yourself to accept the love.

It's difficult to trust after you've had so many negative experiences. You've become so "used to" having your trust breached, your heart crushed, feeling misunderstood and being played that when you do find someone special, you over-analyze things. You're always on alert, taking things personal and questioning his intentions.

This person understands you and treats you well. However, you feel uncomfortable with accepting his kindness.Your mind is telling you that he's playing games. But your heart enjoys every minute of his kindness. He knows how to make you feel loved and lovable. When he holds you, you don't want the moment to end. When he listens to you, you feel heard. When he looks at you, you feel noticed. The more time you spend together, the more connected you feel.

The pain lingers. You're ready to fight, when all you need to do is allow yourself to be loved. But in order to be loved you must let go of the past, not through denial but through hard work. In a way, when you've been hurt so often, you're better prepared to be hurt yet again than to be loved. With time, the pain becomes just another part of your identity. Love, that's unknown territory to you. It causes you to be anxious, confused and even empty. Now that you're not in battle mode, your mind is at rest. And with your mind at rest, your past comes crashing down on you. Your anger and resentment melt away in tears of sadness. Anger and resentment is a cover-up for pain. So now you're happy with this special person but you're also sad.

When dating has turned you into a fighter, you may even want to fight love itself. But fighting is not the answer. Letting go is. You must let go of the negative thoughts and memories. Letting go doesn't mean forgetting. In fact, remembering the important lessons of your negative experiences is what makes you strong. Remind yourself that you overcame them and you can make it through future struggles. When you can let go of the past, you'll have more energy to focus on the present. The present is good, you're with someone who makes you happy.

Love will happen. Choosing to reject it is denying yourself a basic human need. Let the tears out and let them wash away your pain. Deal with the pain in a healthy manner-talk to others, sing, dance, etc. And give love a chance. Love is kind. Love is patient. Love heals.