Overthinking Love

When dating, it's easy to overthink every little thing that men/women are saying/not saying and doing/not doing. When it comes to love, people say/do things they might normally not. Even they might not be able to explain why they said/did something. It's only up to us to stop ourselves from trying to figure out the answers to all the "why" questions and accept not knowing. Here is why and how you should stop yourself from overthinking.

Let's say you're dating a man for a month now and overall, things are going well. Valentine's day comes up and he sends you a very casual, afterthought message ("btw, happy valentines day" kind of message), in the evening. How you respond is your choice. Of course, how you interpret the situation will impact your response. However, overthinking starts right here with interpretation. Even if you have the worst possible interpretation, you have to realize that you might be wrong. More importantly, trying to figure out all the "whys", won't do you much good. Rather, focus on what you want to do (talk to the person, break-up, etc.).

I'm aware when I overthink things but I feel helpless to stop myself. I do it while dating and in every aspect of my life. Overthinking is like analyzing to an extreme and it's unhealthy. Overthinking involves the past, present and future. The past because you're obsessively thinking about something that happened. The present because the overthinking process is taking place in the moment. And the future because you're worried about what will/won't happen.

Overthinking is a defense mechanism. It allows one to find predictability in the unpredictable and clarity in the obscure. Not knowing why a man said/did so and so makes me anxious. Thus, I come up with reasons. Problem is these reasons are usually upsetting. That is, while I might not be anxious over not knowing something, as I'm overthinking why it happened, I'm now upset over what I think I know. It's only natural for our brain to try and make sense of events that transpire. But it's important to accept the fact that sometimes we won't have answers, or we'll have them but at a later time.

How can you stop yourself from overthinking? First, acknowledge that you're doing this. If you have to say it aloud to yourself, do it. Second, take a moment to catch your breath. Third, tell yourself that overthinking has no positive outcome, other than maybe allowing you to come up with answers. You might not even like these answers, which is why it's not so positive. Fourth, remind yourself that there's no guarantee that you have the correct reasons for  another person's behavior. Different people react differently in the same situations. Lastly, tell yourself that it's OK and most likely, better that you don't have the answers.

Overthinking tends to lead our imaginations to the worst answers for the questions we have about others' behaviors. Things aren't always how they appear. Catch yourself from overthinking, as it's unproductive. Focus on the actions that you'll take, moving forward, rather than the thoughts that will hold you back.