When You're "Too Nice"

In dating, I realized that being a "nice girl" has negative consequences. While I'm pretty assertive, I often find myself in vulnerable situations. Problem is, I either protect my heart too much or I open my heart up too easily. And when I open my heart up early on, I get hurt. From experience, I learned that finding a balance between the two is crucial for not feeling broken after things end.

On one hand, holding back too much will cause the person you're dating to distance himself/herself from you. On the other hand, getting comfortable with him/her too soon is taking an unnecessary risk of getting hurt. You don't know the person well enough to decide that he/she has the right intentions/is good for you. Another difficulty of being "too nice" to the people you date is that they might not reciprocate. You might find yourself giving all the compliments, making all the effort and all the (little) sacrifices. The lack of reciprocity might make you feel unappreciated and/or taken advantage of.

It feels weird to control your level of niceness. It's important to be nice in general but when it comes to dating, people can confuse your kindness for weakness and for clinginess. For example, a man who's very nice might often feel rejected and ignored. And a woman in a non-serious relationship, who's very nice might be mistaken to be clingy. Therefore, be nice but hold back a little. With time, if you still like the person, open your heart to him/her. The key is to do it a steady pace.

Just because being "too nice" has negative consequences, it doesn't mean you should be distant from your partner. It's hard to open your heart to someone, when you've been hurt in the past. But for a strong partnership, there must be giving and taking by each person. If you give too much too soon and the person doesn't reciprocate, you'll be left feeling unsatisfied/unhappy. But if you don't open your heart at all and remain distant, your partner will be the one left feeling unsatisfied/unhappy. Give a piece of your heart to a person you care about but don't lay your heart out on the table before you really know and trust the person.