My Heart Hurts

All I needed was for you to stay
but you just walked away.
I needed you to hold me tight
but you were out of sight.
I cried all night.
We carried on, despite the neglect
but a trail of hurt is all you set.
So I found the courage within me
and set myself free.
Now I see you occasionally
and you try to be friendly.
But I'm not able to erase
all the sad feelings when I see your face.

While it's good for you to be busy,
I wish you made time for me.
You said you wanted me by your side
but you just took me along for the ride.
You'd only make time for me
when you needed me sexually.
That night after the movie
the way you made me feel so uneasy
is still in my mind vividly.
I felt used
and confused.
Unsure of what to do,
I gave another chance to you.
Some days were good, some bad.
But when I think of you I'm mostly sad.

From the moment we met, I was unhappy.
I ignored my inner voice telling me
that this is not the way it should be.
You felt my anxiety but didn't care.
You didn't stop- how unfair!
I tried to say "no"
so you would let go.
But I froze and said nothing.
Now I wish I said something.
I cried endlessly.
It still haunts me, occasionally.
I'm disappointed with myself mainly,
for not having dealt with you more firmly.

Finding love is like a game of ping-pong.
All the back and forth- it's taking so long!
It's caused me to be impatient but strong.
I'll wait because I don't want to be
with just anybody.
But someone who makes me happy.
I've been in so much pain
but that wasn't in vain.
Every experience had something to offer
and has made me much tougher.
So I wait
and try to stay in a healthy state.
Wouldn't want to miss an opportunity
to be with someone special to me.