Sunday, January 14, 2018

Open Letter To All The Nice Guys

Nice guys,

Please quit complaining that girls always reject you because “you’re too nice”. First of all, I have yet to meet a man who is too nice. Second of all, you should always treat people with kindness. Now that we got that out of the way, I just wanted to say that if a woman tells you “you’re too nice” she could mean one of the following: “You’re so nice but I wish you took more initiative and had more of a backbone”. Let’s face it gentlemen, most women in a heterosexual relationship (I can’t speak for anything other than that) want to feel pursued, desired and needed. She’s telling you you’re not making her feel those things. She might also mean “You’re so nice but I don’t feel like you can handle me”. Women (such as myself) crave a man who can take us as we are, strong-willed, opinionated, feisty and all. You can’t tames us if you won’t even hurt a fly. Lastly, this phrase might mean “You’re so nice but boring”. Harsh but this means something is missing. Maybe she doesn’t feel the spark,tension, or excitement. And if she doesn’t feel that “special connection” in the beginning she won’t be enticed to get involved with you.

Take those “you’re too nice words” as a learning experience or leave it as it is and find someone who doesn’t think you’re too nice. But absolutely don’t think the solution is to turn into a jerk. Some women go for jerks not because they love to be mistreated (at least most women don’t) but because they’re attracted to something those jerks offer them that you’re not. Show her different sides to you. Find out how to talk to her in a way that she responds to. The greatest sex organ in a woman is her mind. Stimulate her with your words, kindness and passion. Remember, most women aren’t satisfied with the jerks in the long run because of their hurtful words and unkind ways. Learn from the jerks. Use their skill of keeping a woman enticed with you’re kind heart and you make for the perfect catch.

Remember, nice guys win in the end. Ultimately, women want the nice guy to marry them and raise a family with. But yes, too much of anything is never good, including niceness. Did you ever consider that maybe deep down inside the woman who told you you’re too nice wishes you would just tweak things a bit here and there? Maybe she tells herself “he’s so nice but if only...”. I’m not saying that you should change yourself (unless, you’re a jerk). Just change the way you make her feel. Give her reason to believe you can be a good friend and an even greater partner. Pay attention to what she looks for in a man specifically (don’t tell me “jerks”) and decide whether or not you can offer her that. 

Disclaimer: There’s also a possibility that the woman who told you you’re too nice made up her mind and will never see you as more than friends. Yet, it’s not always the case! So take that phrase as a challenge upon yourself to change the way that woman sees you. If it’s too late/doesn’t happen, there’s always next time. Winners have a winners mindset and losers a losers mindset. It all comes down to what you make of it. Are you going to start walking around with a losers “I’m too nice” mindset or “let me see what I can do to get a different outcome” winner’s mindset? I suggest that all you nice guys out there stop complaining about your difficulties in dating because you’re “too nice” and do something about your situation. Most importantly, do the world a favour and stay nice.