Not Desperate But In Need

I'm not needy but I'm in need. In need to be with someone who accepts me, otherwise I'll feel misunderstood. In need to be with someone who provides me with a safe space to express my feelings and thoughts, otherwise I'll feel empty. And I need to be with someone who won't just give up on me when there's a little problem, otherwise I'll be back to square one.

I'm not desperate but I desire. Desire shields me from loneliness. Loneliness clouds my thoughts and invades my happiness. Desire also keeps me from giving up on love. It fills my heart with warmth and my mind with positivity. Positivity gives me the courage to persist. 

I'm not desperate, I'm just disappointed. Disappointed with some decisions I've made and with some things that were out of my control. I'm capable of being in a happy, healthy relationship but incapable of finding it, at least for now. Frankly, I don't even know what "it" is. Will I immediately know when I find "it"? Or will "it" reveal itself to me with time?

I'm not desperate but in need. In need of finding someone who accepts me, provides me with a safe space to express my feelings and thoughts and someone who's courageous enough to stand by me through the storms. Loneliness is a sad thing but what's sadder is giving up on love. My disappointment in my lack of success at love is what drives me to go on. The rest is up to fate...

The Dramatic Life Of A Single Girl

Either it always follows me or I always follow it. It's a being in itself. It's a dark force. It consumes me. Once I inhale it, I must exhale it. It stands between me and my happiness. Drama...I'm so over it.

Drama has more to do with my reactions to situations than the situations themselves. Drama might follow me but my reactions to situations is something I can control. That is, when a problem arises, I can choose to be a part of it and react in a dramatic fashion, or keep my cool and distance myself from the drama.

By going into dates with no expectations, it's easier to distance myself from the drama. This is because when things don't work out, I can move on, without putting up with any drama. Instead of seeing the potential with a guy I barely know, I remind myself that what I see is what I get. It's not up to me to change a guy, it's up to him.

I no longer want to argue with guys I barely know. I no longer want to explain to guys why their behavior is appalling. And I no longer want guys to make me feel like I'm an emotional wreck who needs to calm down. I also try not to become reactive when guys offend me because I'm tired of fighting. I shouldn't have to tell guys to treat me right.

The hardest is not giving guys too many chances. I often think if only a guy behaved differently in such and such respect, we can be good for each other. But what actually ends up happening when I give a guy too many chances is that the arguments reoccur and it's always the same old drama. Giving guys chance after chance keeps me stuck in an unhealthy cycle. Arguments are normal but at one point enough is enough.

Drama keeps me chained to the present. It holds me back from a great future with someone special. By going into dates with no expectations, refusing to argue with guys over things that should be clear to them and not giving them too many chances, I'm set free from negativity.

Assuming The Non-Obvious

You had a disagreement with a guy you've been dating. You two stopped talking but deep down inside you wish he would make the first move, call you and resolve things with you. When he doesn't, you assume he's a jerk, who doesn't care about you. Thing is, you just don't know that that is the case.

Men are expected to be the strong ones in relationships with women. When they have a fight with the woman they're dating, they're expected to try and resolve things. Yet, men might withdraw from doing so, as they're afraid of rejection. Just because a guy doesn't act hurt, doesn't mean he's not. After all, society expects men not to display much emotion.

If you get upset with your partner and start ignoring him, he might stop talking to you. There could be many reasons for this. Maybe he doesn't think you're worth fighting for. Or, maybe he feels rejected by you because you were the one who stopped talking to him. Or, maybe there's another reason. While it may be easiest to assume the worst, such as, the guy is a jerk, who never liked you, it's best to find out the reason.

Communication is so important in a relationship and here's one reason why. In a situation like the one mentioned above, communication can give you answers. Instead of assuming a guy doesn't care about you because he didn't chase you after your fight, talk to him. See how he's feeling, what he's thinking and make sure you let him know your feelings and thoughts too.

A good conversation with your partner can work wonders. It can destroy all your negative assumptions about what he's like as a person and what he thinks about you. Your partner might really like you but worry that you'll reject him. So when you stop answering him, your partner might assume that you've moved on and walk away.

It's important to mention that not only is it up to women to stop making assumptions about their partners, men must too. Men shouldn't assume that just because their partner stopped talking to them, they're no longer interested. In fact, a lot of women ignore their partners, when they're upset with them but hope that their partners will take initiative and ask what's wrong. Key word: ask.

Something Called Love

I want to find love. I've tried to look for it. I've tried to wait for it. In the process, I learned to love myself and focus on my relationships with my family and friends. Yet, my heart yearns for that other kind of love.

Love is a game of cat and mouse. Sometimes I'm the cat other times the mouse. Sometimes, I want to take charge of my dating life: I want to go to parties, dinners and cocktails to mingle. Other times, I want to cry and give up. My road to finding love has brought me more downs than ups. More pain than joy. And to top it off: I have no idea when I'll find the light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes, I tell myself I'm close, as I seem to be meeting more guys now that are pretty good matches for me than I did before. Yet, every time something good ends, it feels like I'm back to square one.

Pursuing love feels like being in a race blindfolded. You want to win so you keep on running...but you're blindfolded. Even if the path is perfectly clear, it feels uncomfortable. And you don't know what lies ahead. You run as quickly as you can. You know you should run carefully but you're anxious to win the prize. You see you're opponents way ahead of you so you try and catch up. With love it's no different. Time flies by and the older you get the more single you feel. Your peers are all getting engaged, while all you're getting is heartbreaks.

Finding love feels like looking for a needle in a haystack. Not only am I looking for someone who I like and am attracted to but we also have to be a good match. While sometimes it becomes evident that you're not a good match with a guy, sometimes it's hard to tell until what point it's worth working out the differences with a guy. There are so many components of a good match that finding "it" seems like an impossible task.

Love is complex. Love is a mystery. Love is hard. Love is confusing. And love is so much more. When you find it, you know it. When you're looking for it, you can only wonder what it feels like and when your time will come...

Reflect But Do Not Regret

It's normal to make mistakes. Yet, it takes maturity to learn from them. Extracting the lessons will give you insight into your self. Instead of living in regret, apply this knowledge to improve your life. Choose to reflect, not to regret, for a happier and healthier love life.

Think of your greatest relationship regret. This can be something that you consistently find yourself doing or something that you did once. Either way, stop blaming yourself for your past errors. The constant reminder of past mistakes, might lead to feelings of guilt. Guilt is what leaves you frozen in the past and impedes you from moving forward. Accept your mistakes and take it upon yourself to learn from them. Try to understand your choices and behaviors. Once you understand them, you're better equipped to change them.

Changing your behaviors might take time and a lot of repetitive mistakes. What matters is that you extract the lesson from these mistakes. What did you learn about yourself? How did this experience make you feel? Mistakes give you a clearer picture of what you want and don't want in a relationship. It teaches you your strengths and weaknesses. Most importantly, it teaches you self-acceptance. That is, to love yourself because of your mistakes. You'll do better, after you mess up.

Your behaviors don't define you as a partner/person but they do make or break you. Sometimes, you might get carried away from your values and do things you aren't proud of. However, to regret is to stay stuck in the past. To reflect is to look at your past to make a better future for yourself. What you did doesn't matter as much as what it taught you and what you intend to change. You're never too old to make mistakes or to better yourself. While reflection will guide you on your path to becoming your best self, regret will hold you back.