9 Telling Signs That He's Committed To You

1. He aims to be the best man he can be.

It's not easy to change one's behaviors and habits. But if a guy can envision being with you in the long run, he'll want to be the best he can be to give you reason to commit to him and to make you happy. This doesn't mean that he has to change. It just means that as everyone can improve on certain character traits, he'll be inspired to do so.

2. He talks to you every day or almost every day.

If a guy is truly committed to you, he'll want to find out everything about you. He'll be interested in your opinions on various topics and will want to engage in conversation with you often.

3. He respects your boundaries and doesn't pressure you into sex.

If he's committed to you, he won't see a need to rush into anything. When a guy wants to use you for something, like sex, he'll move on quickly, if you don't give in. Also, if he's committed to you he'll want to have sex with you. Whereas, if he's not committed to you, he won't care very much whom he has sex with, making it all the more easy to move on with someone who'll have sex with him. A guy who's committed will respect you for having enough self-respect to stick by your values/boundaries.

4. Your feelings matter to him.

If he's committed, he won't ignore you or try to change the subject when you express your feelings to him. He'll make you feel comfortable with openly expressing your feelings. If he can "read" your emotions he gets a bonus!

5. He's not afraid to tell you and show you how much he loves you.

If he's committed to you, he'll pronounce the "L" word loud and clear. Affection is very important in a healthy committed relationship. There are many different ways a guy can show you he loves you. It all depends on his and your personality and on what you both like. For example, if he's the romantic type and you love flowers, he might opt to send you flowers.

6. He keeps his word.

If he keeps his promises, big and small, it's a good sign that when he says he sees a future with you, he means it. Also, keeping his promises will be his way of showing to you that you can trust him, which is a requirement for a committed relationship to last.

7. He compliments you on your physical and non-physical attributes.

While it feels nice to be complimented on your looks by the guy you are dating, a guy who's committed to you will go a step further and compliment you on your amazing qualities. It's one thing for a guy to want to sleep with a woman who's sexually appealing. But it's a whole other thing for a guy to see a kind woman as the future mother of his children.

8. He shows you off to everybody.

A guy who is committed to you will want everyone to know that you two are together for two reasons. One, he wants other guys to know that you're taken. Two, he's very appreciative and proud to have someone as special as you in his life.

9. He talks about a future with you.

It's important to note that just because a guy says he wants to marry you, it doesn't mean you should take it face value. Guys can say a lot of things to get in your pants (yes, even promise marriage). But if he consistently talks about how many kids he wants to have with you, where your kids will go to school, what your future home will look like, etc., that's a good sign that he's in it for the long run.

Some of the above signs hold more value than others. It's not necessary for a guy to show all of the above signs to demonstrate his commitment. But the more (including signs that aren't mentioned above), the better!

Can You Change A Man?

No. You can only motivate him to do so.

It's a huge and common mistake to think that a woman can change a man. Yet, you can only motivate him to change on his own. And even if a guy takes it upon himself to change, he'll only change so much. That is, certain behaviors and character traits stick with us forever. So, if you are planning to turn a man into your next project, make sure to only focus on those aspects where change is possible.

You may wonder what character traits can I and can't I change in a man? This is a complicated question and it's answer varies according to the individual. But I'll tell you this: if he's always cheating on you, despite how many times you've caught him, he most likely won't stop. Yet, something that he can improve on is his listening skills.

Remember, if he doesn't care about your feelings, he doesn't care about you. If he doesn't care about you, he won't see a reason to commit to you. If he does tell you he cares about you, have him show it on a consistent basis. For you this might mean calling you daily. Whatever it is, make sure his actions back up his words. A guy who truly cares about you, will do whatever it takes to make you happy. He'll want to work on himself to be the best man that he can be. If he cares about you, he'll put in the effort to maintain a healthy relationship with you. This doesn't include avoiding confrontation at all costs. I've had guys ignore my texts and end conversations, as soon as I brought up something hurtful they did/said or something they do that bothers me. Another way men try to avoid confrontation is by telling you something only because they think you want to hear it... Obviously, these guys don't care (despite the claims of one of these men I was dating that he does care about me!). If he truly cares about you, he'll keep on doing the things you like and work on what you don't.

Things can get very tricky when it comes to sex. It's not uncommon that a girl isn't on the same page sexually with the guy she's dating. This can only be resolved through communication. But the point I'm trying to make here is that there's a myth that a woman can get a man to commit through sex. If only she makes sure the sex is amazing or if she messes with his head, sometimes making herself seem interested in him and sometimes not, in hopes of making him desire her more. Or...let's not even go there. If a man only ever invites you for sex, it's very unlikely that it'll ever become something more. Girl, he has your contact info. If he wants to tell you how much he loves you, he knows where to reach you.

Don't convince yourself that you can mold him into the man you want him to be. If he trusts you he'll let you help him be a better man. But let him take the initiative. 

Seven Facts To Soothe The Single Person's Soul

While being in a relationship is great, being single is great too! This article isn't meant to discourage people in relationships but just to boost the morale of sappy singles. I know, you're probably thinking what good is there in being single? Well, let me tell you:

1. You get to focus on you. A sizable portion of your life will be dedicated to others, aka marriage, motherhood/fatherhood, caring for your elderly parents, etc. That is, in these periods of peoples' lives, people tend to devote their time and energy to taking care of others. So you better enjoy your single status while it lasts!

2. You get to focus on other important aspects of your life. Of course, the relational aspect of your life is important but so is your education, career/goals and hobbies. You need to develop various aspects of your life, in order to live a full, healthy and happy one. Also, doing so will allow you to derive meaning from multiple avenues. So focus on becoming a great therapist, for example.

3. You get to have an identity of your own. It's easy to lose yourself in your partnership. It's not uncommon to see couples who are in love spending all their time together, without realizing it's unhealthy. It's important that partners have a nice balance between spending time together and alone (the balance varies depending on the different needs of couples). Nevertheless, each partner should have some separate interests and some different friends. Living in a lovey-dovey bubble with one's partner, removed from the world is unhealthy. Yet, it's easy do get trapped in this bubble when one is in love. One problem with the bubble is that when it's burst, aka, you break up, you don't have an identity/people to fall back on. So don't get caught in the bubble!

4. You get to strengthen your weaknesses. In order to be in a healthy long-term relationship, both partners must put in the effort. Yet, one must work on oneself before attempting to work through the difficulties in a relationship. Being single allows you to work on yourself so that you can be a better partner. For example, it's important for someone with low self-esteem to work through it because if not it can cause major trust issues, jealousy, paranoia, etc. As they say, you must love yourself first before loving someone else.

5. You will less likely give up on love quickly out of fear of getting hurt yet again. While there are many ups in a relationship, there are also many downs. It's easy to focus on the downs, especially if you are a pessimist like myself. An important element of being in a relationship is making yourself vulnerable. Thing is every time you make yourself vulnerable, you are at risk of getting hurt, sometimes badly. While being able to make yourself vulnerable is a great thing, it's also great to take a break from putting yourself in that position. Who doesn't want a break from the fighting, the hurtful words and the inconsiderate actions of one's partner, so imminent in all "normal" relationships?

6. Being single for a while will help make you more appreciative of your partner when he/she comes into your life. It's easy to take our loved ones for granted and to forget to show them appreciation. When you're made to wait a while, especially a really long while for the right person to come into your life, you become all the more grateful for having him/her in your life when they are a part of it. And this will only strengthen your relationship and create a stronger foundation.

7. You have more time to figure out what you want in a partner, hence making you less likely to end up with the wrong person. I'm not saying that if you marry your high-school sweetheart you have made a mistake. What I'm saying is that it takes time for most people to find their soul-mate. Single-hood is a good time to contemplate what you are looking for in a partner/adjust your expectations, whether or not you have been taking the right steps to attract people who emulate this characterization and whether or not you will need to change your behavior, or parts of it in order to find him/her. For example, upon reflection you might decide that you need to work on your listening skills. Not only do you get to contemplate on all that, you get to act upon it too! The sooner you know what you want in a partner, the sooner you can settle down and be happy.

My words of wisdom: Take your time. Figure yourself out first. Settle down slowly. Live and love!

On Learning To Validate My Emotions

Don’t you just hate it when a guy tells you that you’re “over-reacting” or “too emotional” and “you just have to relax”? These words make me feel misunderstood and frustrated. Thing is, we don’t owe an explanation to anyone on why we feel the way we feel. And considering the importance of communication in any sort of relationship, no guy should criticize you for expressing your emotions.

I’m not a confrontational person or the type that gets upset often over trivial matters and it’s frustrating to constantly have my emotions put on trial. Recently, I’ve experienced this on a whole new level with a guy I trusted. I’ll call him “Z”. I met Z, a tourist, at a place I’ve been frequenting for several years now and where I’ve always felt safe. At the end of the night, when I found out that Z was staying in my neighborhood, we decided to walk back together to our respective homes. I had to walk because it was Shabbat and I’m not allowed to take transportation during Shabbat. I thought that I would be safer walking the long walk home, at such a late hour, with someone else but I was wrong. Z and I were passing by a big park (the scariest part of my walk), deep in conversation, when out of nowhere and I mean NOWHERE, he gets close to me and kisses me in a way that made me feel violated. I felt that the way he went about the kiss and his intentions were misplaced (it was very late, I barely knew him, I was alone with him, we weren’t on a date/never dated, etc.). I was shocked by the kiss, as I didn’t sense any sort of attraction/chemistry between us. What makes the kiss even more disrespectful is that this guy barely knows anything about me-what if I have a boyfriend, what if I’m celibate, what if I’m a lesbian…  

I felt very betrayed that someone I trusted could turn on me like that and I told him that what he did was not ok. He tried to defend himself but the more he spoke, the worse I felt. He was telling me that he thought he was helping me live in the moment, by kissing me and he was telling me to “relax”, as he kept trying to kiss me. Z blamed me, telling me that he got signals from me and so I apologized. But in thinking about it, I knew that I was NOT in the wrong. Also, right before we parted ways, Z told me not to tell anyone, which made the situation creepier. If I did indeed keep what happened to myself and repressed my emotions, it would’ve only given him control in deciding how I dealt with my emotions.

As I was trying to make sense of the experience, I found myself questioning my emotions. I was telling myself those dreadful things that guys have told me in the past: “you’re over-reacting”, “you’re too emotional”. In doing this, I was being unfair to myself. There’s nothing rational about emotions and there’s nothing wrong with that. That is, even if I don’t fully understand why I felt the way I felt when Z kissed me, it doesn’t make the way I feel any less normal. Because it doesn’t matter what others think about this situation, what matters is how I, the one who experienced it feels about it. And EVEN IF I was overly emotional, my feelings are still valid. I don’t need to defend my feelings to anyone, or to myself for that matter.

Ladies, NEVER allow a guy to decide how u “should” feel. Accept the way you feel because whatever you feel is valid; don’t ever believe anyone who tells you otherwise. This doesn’t meant that you can express yourself in any way you please (violence is never appropriate, for example) or that you should let your emotions affect your life in a negative way. Keep in mind that emotions are very powerful so don’t work against them, as that will only lead to trouble, sooner or later. And do you really want to be with a guy who tells you that when you’re less emotional, he’ll be willing to talk to you (true story)? We deserve better. We deserve to be with a guy who respects us and our emotions and seeks to make us feel better, instead of criticizing us for feeling the way we feel.