The saying goes "just be yourself". But many people pretend to be someone they aren't, as they're afraid that their true selves will be rejected. This is counter-intuitive, as most people want to be with someone who'll accept them for their true selves. Whether or not we present our true selves, there may be repercussions. That is, if we're our true selves, there's a possibility we'll be rejected. On the other hand, if we pretend to be someone who the other person likes, we aren't accepted for our true selves.
When we meet a person with whom there's nothing romantic, it's much easier to just be ourselves. Because if we don't click with the person, there's usually no other consequence then the two of us not being friends. However, it's different when we have romantic feelings for a person. With the latter we can actually get hurt, if the person doesn't want to be with the person we truly are. We all desire to be with someone who accepts us for who we truly are. We want to be able to share our thoughts, hopes and dreams with this person. And for them to love us both for our strengths and weaknesses. Yet, to find such a match is difficult and not many people will "fit" us as a partner.
I always felt it was important to be true to who I truly am, when it comes to dating. But I've come to realize that there's a huge consequence to showing my true colors right away. That is, scaring guys away. While I've always told myself that if a guy is right for me he'll appreciate my intense, genuine and open nature, I often feel that I'm too much to handle. Therefore, a part of me feels that someone "like me" should still be myself but in a toned-down version, if I ever want to end up in a serious relationship. However, the other part of me feels like I should just be myself, without holding back.
Ideally, I would be with an amazing guy who doesn't hesitate to accept me as I am. Yet, given that I tend to scare guys away, I wonder if I would finally find someone great, if I toned my personality down. For example, I recently met someone with whom I had a great connection with, or so I thought. I felt so comfortable with him that I opened up to him early on. I was surprised and hurt with the way things ended right when I thought they started. In reflecting back on this experience, maybe we would have continued seeing each other, if we weren't so open with each other so soon. But then again, the more investment you put in another person, the greater the pain when things end. So isn't it a good thing that we were so open with each other early on? In other words, why not be our total absolute selves from the get-go? Why only bring the positive aspects out early on, if we want someone to accept us for us?
Whether or not we stick to our our true selves, when dating, there may be negative consequences. So should we really abide by the saying "just be yourself" or should we modify it to "just be yourself *conditions may apply"?
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