Dear Diary,
I have mixed feelings about meeting the one. I want to be truly deeply in love with someone but at the same time I feel like it's not my time. In addition to my mixed feelings, I'm dating guys who I clearly don't have a future with, bringing me further away from the one. And my fear of being in love doesn't help.
Maybe it's not the right time in my life for me to meet him. I wish it was but things aren't always as we wish. I have come such a long way, in terms of personal growth but I have a long path left to go. I want to be a better me, in meeting "the guy". So when I meet him he'll add to my identity and life rather than consisting of its entirety. Similarly, I must be in a good place in my life to be able to build a healthy foundation to our relationship.
I will be the first to admit that my choices in men aren't the greatest. I've often chosen players over nice guys. However, I'm so tired of the players that I started giving guys who I thought were nice a chance. Unfortunately, even these guys hurt me and they weren't as nice as I thought.
Finally, love is scary because there's a risk of pain, disappointment and rejection. I've been hurt so often already. How much more can I take?! Maybe my fear of love is getting in the way from my happiness with someone special. My heart desires love but my mind messes with me...
Love,
Faigy
Faigy
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