Sunday, February 11, 2018

Shadow Of My Past

I’m tired of living life in a state of fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of making mistakes and fear of being hurt. Most of all, the fear of never finding anybody to love me. 

I try to put my fears aside and be open to experiences with men. I try to stay present but my anxiety that stems from past experiences pulls me into a dark place. When I look into a man’s eyes, I wonder if he’ll treat me well, validate my emotions and be different than the men of my past.

I’m in a tug of war between my heart on one end and my body and brain on the other. My heart tells me to enjoy getting to know every new man in my life, while my body rejects him and my brain takes me to dark moments in my past. 

I want to follow my heart, when it comes to love and stop living in fear. I want to find excitement in the unknown, meaning in my mistakes and strength in my pain. I’m on the right track but the road is long. Hopefully, the road will lead me into the arms of a great man, who’ll make it worth it.


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