He was everything that I hoped he would be, until the moment I met him. Anticipation turned into disappointment, the moment he opened his mouth. This is why I gave up on expectations when it came to guys. But the butterflies in my stomach showed up uninvited. My heart chose to skip a beat, without my permission. The excitement in my body overpowered that pessimistic voice in my head. And once again I fell victim to my own trap.
I realized I had met him in the past. In fact, I had met him many times. He was the guy who could’ve treated me better. Yet, I waited patiently for circumstances to change so that he could show me who he truly is. He was the guy who I wanted to “fix”. The guy who’s anger and distance I attributed to a vulnerability I understood. The guy who I was sympathetic to. The guy I thought would finally treat me with warmth, kindness and respect. But as he kept going on and on about nothing in particular, that familiar feeling became more and more undeniable. I wanted to ignore that feeling and focus on the image I created of him in my mind. And stick to the feelings I had initially felt. But reality hit me hard. And I just knew how our story would end if I gave him a chance.
Love was harsh with me and I learned my lessons. I want to move forward and stay away from guys who hold me back. I know what I deserve and I’m done settling. I deserve to be with someone who’s patient, kind and unselfish, just like I am. I deserve to be spoiled with affection. I’m done settling for guys who offer me nothing more than false promises, hurt and emptiness. Yet, settling is where comfort lies. Darkness is where courage lies.
It’s getting dark and cold outside. I want to reach out to him and end my loneliness but I know better. The anticipation and excitement I initially felt over this stranger I know all too well is leaving a bad aftertaste in my mouth. My mind is still reminiscing over what could have been. But this is my test and I know I must be strong and walk away and so I do. His footsteps are an echo of my past. Mine are the footsteps into a new day...
Love,
Faigy
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