Dear Diary (Week 21),

I’m working hard to better myself. There are deeply ingrained behaviours that aren’t working for me in my life that I must undo. But I’m willing to put in the effort because I want change in my relationship life. I want to be happier. I want to attract the right men. And I want to rid myself of the toxicity in my life. The hardest part is that while I want change in my personal life, I have a hard time finding men who want the same thing in theirs. I don’t picture myself happy being with a man who doesn’t introspect and seek to better himself. That choice is entirely up to the individual. All I can do is not get involved with men who are like that.

An adult man should take responsibility for his own actions and seek to grow. I get frustrated with men who don’t even think twice about that because they just don’t care. That’s selfish. That’s not caring about how your words and actions affect others. When you’re self-aware, you’re more aware of things and people around you. Maybe if I met a man who does care I wouldn’t find myself constantly explaining how I feel, only to have him judge me for it. I’m done giving men too many chances, only to have them fail me. It’s not my job to teach men basic values of respect and compassion. I would be more than happy to support a man in his self-growth journey but he must take the initiative.

I have high expectations and I’m not backing down. I was too lenient too often. In the end, I invited trouble and got really hurt. Through all the negativity though, I learned more about my needs in a relationship. More importantly, that I deserve more than the at best mediocre treatment I’ve received from men. There’s nothing wrong with a woman who knows what she wants. And there’s nothing wrong with a woman who has high (but reasonable) expectations from the men she dates. The problem lies in the men who can’t handle such a woman and criticize her instead of making the effort it takes to be with her.

I’m definitely not asking for Prince Charming. He’s not at all my type. I ask for a well-intentioned man who will give me the respect and time I deserve. I ask for a man who can look beyond his own needs and be conscientious of mine. I ask for an imperfect man who works on himself. I ask for a man who is kind, caring and emotionally intelligent. Mind you, I’m not just asking for these things, without expecting them from myself. I’m not asking period. I’m saying: this is what I expect. Expecting particular things might make me seem particular. But these particular things signal to me that I got a good man by my side. And yes, I’m a particular person but I’m reasonable too. More importantly, I tend to expect much more from myself than I do from others.

Love,

Faigy