Something Called Love

I want to find love. I've tried to look for it. I've tried to wait for it. In the process, I learned to love myself and focus on my relationships with my family and friends. Yet, my heart yearns for that other kind of love.

Love is a game of cat and mouse. Sometimes I'm the cat other times the mouse. Sometimes, I want to take charge of my dating life: I want to go to parties, dinners and cocktails to mingle. Other times, I want to cry and give up. My road to finding love has brought me more downs than ups. More pain than joy. And to top it off: I have no idea when I'll find the light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes, I tell myself I'm close, as I seem to be meeting more guys now that are pretty good matches for me than I did before. Yet, every time something good ends, it feels like I'm back to square one.

Pursuing love feels like being in a race blindfolded. You want to win so you keep on running...but you're blindfolded. Even if the path is perfectly clear, it feels uncomfortable. And you don't know what lies ahead. You run as quickly as you can. You know you should run carefully but you're anxious to win the prize. You see you're opponents way ahead of you so you try and catch up. With love it's no different. Time flies by and the older you get the more single you feel. Your peers are all getting engaged, while all you're getting is heartbreaks.

Finding love feels like looking for a needle in a haystack. Not only am I looking for someone who I like and am attracted to but we also have to be a good match. While sometimes it becomes evident that you're not a good match with a guy, sometimes it's hard to tell until what point it's worth working out the differences with a guy. There are so many components of a good match that finding "it" seems like an impossible task.

Love is complex. Love is a mystery. Love is hard. Love is confusing. And love is so much more. When you find it, you know it. When you're looking for it, you can only wonder what it feels like and when your time will come...