My Problems With Monogamy

Is there ONE special someone out there for all of us? They say there is a (one) lid for every pot but is it true? I mean I would be monogamous and date one man at a time, if I thought he provided me with all or at least with most of the things I look for in a man. The reality is, the dating world is tough and finding your specific lid is even tougher. Being monogamous isn’t necessarily the best way to find your lid and here are SOME reasons why:

Monogamy limits our options.

Western society tells us that we must live a monogamous lifestyle to be “normal”. Now, let me say that I do NOT condone polygamy. But I see nothing wrong with dating multiple people at the same time, as long as you are always honest with the person you are dating. By honesty I mean that you and your partner have to clearly say what kind of relationship each of you is looking for-committed, not committed, friends with benefits, etc. If the two of you decide that you want to date each other but see other people as well then there is nothing wrong with going forth with that. In fact, an advantage of dating multiple people at the same time is that you learn quicker what you want in a partner than if you date one person at a time. For example, John takes you out to dinner and asks you how your day was, whereas Gabe doesn’t because all he cares about is having sex with you. So based on how both of these experiences made you feel, you can get a better idea of what you want and don’t want in a man.

Monogamy reinforces the illusion of a prince charming.

Prince charming/ a perfect man does not exist. In fact, if he’s charming you might want to watch out because charming MIGHT mean trouble. After all, it’s a common trait among players and just because a guy is charming it doesn’t mean that he is being genuine. While prince charming doesn’t exist, there are sweet, caring guys who are “real”. The problem is that when a woman searches for prince charming/a perfect man, she’ll keep on rejecting guys, as they don’t fit her high standards. Monogamy gives women this false idea that they have to hold back from dating until mister right sweeps them off their feet. On the other hand, in dating several guys, you learn that prince charming does not exist, as you realize that men are just people, with flaws like everyone else and thus you learn to adjust your standards (not lower them!).

Basically, monogamy has a way of pressuring us to settle down with one person, whom we convince ourselves is prince charming, whereas dating several people at the same time can, if done properly, allow us to compare the way different guys make us feel and ultimately help us make a thoughtful decision about which of these guys exemplifies what we are looking for in a partner.

I do believe that eventually, when you find the right guy, who fulfills all your needs and who treats you great, it is worth committing to him and even being exclusive maybe. Yet, until you find that person, monogamy does not have to be the automatic option. Because it is better to date a lot, discover what you want in a partner and settle with a person who has those qualities, than to put a guy on a pedestal, without examining if he is really the right “fit” for you.