When Enough Is Enough

Should the three strike rule apply to wrongdoings committed by your partner? In other words, should you give him/her three chances to redeem himself/herself? Such wrongdoings doesn't include petty things your partner does that annoy you. It also doesn't include cheating, as that's a separate topic. But it does include being taken advantage of sexually, being betrayed and being lied to. While forgiving someone who hurt you is a good thing, staying with them despite their many wrongdoings is not. Because when you give a person too many chances, you've fallen into this vicious cycle of he/she does so and so, you forgive him/her, he/she does it again and so forth.

Additionally, "actions speak louder than words." Take the case of a guy who from the get-go only ever seems to be interested in hooking up with you. You want something more and you let him know that. He apologizes and promises to spend more quality time with you but never does. He keeps on only showing interest in you physically, despite how many times you told him you want a serious relationship. Instead of telling yourself that it's time you go your separate ways, as you both want different things, you tell yourself he'll change. Yet, when you keep on giving your partners chances, you're failing to create boundaries of what's acceptable to you in your relationships.

One of my main regrets when it comes to relationships is giving guys too many chances. Although I chose to move on from the hurtful situations they put me in, the resentment towards these guys (and perhaps towards myself) catches up with me to this day, making it difficult to remember the good times we shared (if any), find closure and trust again. Why continue seeing someone who doesn't fulfill your needs and let the resentment build up? Similarly, if a girl continuously lies to you, why would you stay with her and justify away her lies, until you explode? By ending things before they get to this point, you will be able to avoid some very unpleasant emotions, such as anger and resentment.

What I'm saying is that there's no guarantee your partner will change and giving the person three strikes for serious wrongdoings is taking a risk. A risk well worth it? Maybe, maybe not. Ask yourself if your partner really deserves another strike. In terms of how many strikes you should give him/her, it's important to note that there's no "right" number, as each partnership and situation is unique. However, don't give your partner enough chances to become trapped in the vicious cycle of wrongdoings/forgiveness. Do make sure that when you give him/her a chance, your partner shows a change in behavior for the better.