Dear Diary (Week 17),

To explain or not to explain? I can’t decide anymore if it’s better to just ignore certain men or to explain to them why I'm ignoring them first. There are so many instances where men have done or said things they shouldn’t have and my instinct was to give them a piece of my mind. Thing is, to some men I would just look “crazy”, while others wouldn’t care about my feelings. But I feel that what they did/said is so bad that I must let them know. But maybe that’s just me being stubborn. Maybe the mature thing to do is to ignore them. I often find myself stuck in this back and forth thought process.

Just an example, I was recently talking to a guy that I haven’t spoken to in a little while and he tells me he’s seeing someone but would like my contact information, in case it doesn’t work out with that other person! This kind of behavior was so appalling to me that I felt like telling him. But then again, I don’t actually know this person well. Would sharing my thoughts on his behavior with him do much? It’s even worse when I know the person (somewhat) well because my emotions are invested in him. I actually feel hurt that the person who I opened up to is treating me in an unfair manner. Plus, it's better to have closure with someone you were involved with than to end things on a bad note. It's important to be able to talk with someone about why the relationship ended.

It gets complicated when a person I like and have only dated a short while, turns out to have had the wrong intentions. I don't want to ignore his messages but I don't want to pretend like everything is OK either. I want him to know that what he did/said hurt me. But it's so frustrating to have to explain to men time and time again that what they said hurt me. I feel like men should know better. They should know how to treat me right.

Thing is, I no longer have the energy, nor do I wish to spend time defending myself/putting some men in their place. At the same time, me being me, I feel the need for some reason, to teach some rude men manners, especially when I got to know them pretty well and like them. I know it’s not my job but it’s an impulse I have. The other part of it involves me being upset over how unfairly I’m being treated and feeling the need to protect myself. It's unclear to me if ignoring men's inappropriate behaviors/comments is better than explaining to them why they're inappropriate.

Love,

Faigy