This New Year, there are several things I want to work on when it comes to my dating life. I realize that there are things I can do to better myself as a partner and things I must look for to find a good partner. I want to improve myself and surround myself with people who help me move forward in life. We must never stop bettering ourselves. Here are some things that I want to improve on and hope to find in a partner:
One thing I want to work on is sensitivity. That is, being a sensitive partner. I have high expectations of men and when they don't live up to them I can be insensitive in how I express that. My directness can be perceived as insensitivity. Also, I'm too reactive. When I'm upset, I go into victim mode and I become defensive. When I become defensive, I act and say things in ways that might make men feel like they're under attack. And when men feel under attack by me, they tend to shut down emotionally, only causing me to be more resentful. I want to burst out of my hurt bubble and see things from the man's perspective.
Another thing I want is to stop being a victim. I've been hurt a lot by men and with every new man I encounter, I carry the pain with me. Perhaps, I give off negative vibes to men that in turn attracts negativity in my life. I want to rid myself of the toxicity and be more positive when it comes to dating. Not only do I want to give men a chance to prove to me that they can treat me better than the men I've dated in the past but I also want to get myself out of this self-perpetuating cycle of feeling like a victim and attracting men who harp on my vulnerabilities.
In a partner, I want to be with a man who is consistent and reciprocal. If a man is interested in me, I expect him to show it to me regularly through his actions. It's the little things that count, such as talking to me and seeing me regularly. I want to be there for him and him for me. I love to give but I want him to spoil me too- with affection and time. Relationships are so much more powerful, when both individuals give and take. The more I give and don't get back, the more resentful I become. I want to let go of my pain, as much as possible, not hold on to it.
I also want to be with a man who's sensitive to me. I'm an unapologetically emotional woman. I'm tired of justifying how I feel. I want to be accepted as I am, emotions and all. There's definitely room for improvement here too, as I'm sometimes too reactive. Generally speaking though, I want to be with a man who acknowledges my feelings and cares. When he hurts me, I want to feel comfortable letting him know he hurt me and be able to trust that he'll no longer behave in a hurtful manner towards me.
The most important thing is effort. I'm willing to continue working on myself and hope to find a man who also seeks to work on himself. I learned a lot from my past experiences and I've found meaning in my pain. I no longer want to hurt, I want to move on. I want to apply the painful lessons from my past to improve my current dating life. With this New Year, I hope to find the courage to stand against the adversity that may come my way and the strength to persevere in accomplishing my goals.
Love,
Faigy
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