My greatest wish for myself this New Year is accepting where I am in my life. I want to feel content with what I have accomplished so far and continue being grateful for what I have. I no longer want to compete against my own ideals of who I should be and what I must accomplish. I want to rid myself of the mainly self-imposed pressure that I gave into. I am in this life to prosper from my strengths and grow from my weaknesses. I cannot do better than my best. My best is very different than another person’s best but it is time I start accepting that. It is also time I shift my focus from what I did not accomplish yet to living life in the present.
I have a very future-oriented mindset. I usually make decisions based on what I deem best in the long run. I am so ambitious that I am often impatient when I do not see results quickly enough. I am a hard worker but I always criticize myself for not doing enough. My view of success is based a lot on time. In other words, I always felt that in order to be successful I must reach certain milestones by a certain age. I am twenty-five years old and all I do is focus on all the things I have not yet accomplished or experienced, such as being in love.
I no longer want to feel like a failure in most aspects of my life. I want to find peace of mind and soul. I often tell myself that if there was at least one aspect in my life in which I felt successful in, such as my career or love life, I would be happy. Love is a big aspect in which I feel like I am a failure. I always hoped that by my age I would have experienced many things that I never did. I hoped that at my age I would have already met someone with whom there is potential for something long-term. The fact that I did not worries me that I will be an old mother. While my “old” may be considered young by many others, I feel disappointed that my life’s timeline is way off than what I would have liked.
Being critical of myself all the time is keeping me from living in the present. I am tired of judging myself and comparing my accomplishments and experiences to others. With this New Year, I just want to appreciate the journey. I trust in G-d that He will bring the right things in my life at the right time. I will continue working hard, no matter how stuck I feel. I will continue staying as positive as I can because I can’t envision anything other than greatness and accomplishment in my future. My timeline may be off but my potential is ever so clear to me.
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